I remember a story told to me when I was a young mom. I was visiting a friend in Boston whose children were around the ages of mine. She recounted how a child at her daughter’s preschool was a biter and bit one of the other children pretty hard. The entire class boycotted this child.
Even at this early stage of motherhood, I thought, “Good. Now she will learn.” This child experienced the consequences of her actions. The concept of consequences is albeit lost these days. Everything is ok, regardless of the outcome. We cover for our kids. We allow our partners to mistreat us. Our so-called friends are given permission to vomit their negative garbage on us. It is amazing what we allow in our lives, and it happens most often in families.
What people do not understand is that consequences are the best teacher. Often times, there is no effort needed. As a parent, when my kids got reprimanded in school, I hardly needed to do a thing. They hated the school’s punishment. However, when I needed to impose a consequence myself, it took more effort. I needed to establish boundaries. What the hell was a boundary anyway?
Before I started my ascent from my own personal darkness, I don’t even think I had boundaries, let alone knew what they were. I was just unhappy. I knew that I felt bad when I was treated poorly. It has taken me a long time to get clear on what my boundaries are. The hardest part after figuring out what feels good, bad, or indifferent, is respecting my own damn boundaries. If I didn’t respect myself, who else would? A therapist told me once, “abusers need to know when you abuse people you lose people.” I allowed them to cloud my existence which was unhappy anyway.
Not respecting my boundaries and not imposing consequences is a grave disservice to myself and the person needing correction. Consequences teach respect. I respect myself, and I respect you enough as a person to not let you behave a certain way with me. It teaches the person who is abusing your boundaries what you will and will not tolerate. The number one reason men physically and emotionally abuse women is, and hear this, because they CAN! By allowing family members, girlfriends and even your kids to ignore your boundaries is giving them permission to use you as their personal punching bag.
As Independence Day approaches, liberate yourself from people and experiences that do not serve you. You are free to accept any behavior into your world. Choose what brings value to you. Choose love. Choose consequences for yourself and the people around you that will elevate your daily life. Know how amazing you are. Know only you are the perfect fit in this puzzle called the universe. I need you to be your best, happiest, groovy self because only you can do what you do. Know I love you all!
Tell me what’s going on in your life. I want to hear from you.
Wishing you love, balance & peace!
Amore & Baci,
Just Steph
