Raise your hand if you have ever received a gift that you did not like, want or need. Then for the next person’s birthday you wrapped that unwanted gift in pretty paper and re-gifted it to the unsuspecting recipient. We have all re-gifted. Candlesticks and picture frames are not the only things we, the broken ones, re-gift. We love to give to an innocent bystander all the garbage we have received from previous relationships.
What is worse about these re-gifts is we wrap them in a pretty smile and project onto an underserving person who did nothing to warrant being mistreated. I have been talking for years about leaving your luggage at the door when you start a new relationship. My BFF Susan, always said, “don’t paint him with the same brush as the last one. It’s not his fault.” I have tried to live this in my life. I am genuinely excited to move forward, searching for my soulmate. Unfortunately, I re-gifted my garbage just recently on someone who was a breathe of fresh air. Happy. Sweet. SO CUTE. Affectionate and kind.
From the time I started talking to this cutie, I had my guard up. I tried very hard to do everything to make him not like me. I told him things that would normally take me weeks to discuss with a new guy. I shoved my Poland Syndrome hand right into his so he might walk away. He did not. He said he liked me more. Well I pushed and I pushed. Then I started a Tito’s fueled set of texts that got me exactly what I looked for: he said, “you won.” I lost him. I pushed him right out of my world. I vomited all the hurt and pain I suffered from all my relationships onto the happiest, most care-free, la-dee-da man I have ever met. He checked all the boxes for me: no crazy ex, no hang ups, no drama, joyful, smart, funny, loving, cute, perfect height, Sicilian, tip toeing through the tulips. My God! I worked hard not to like him, and make him not like me. I was a success. He got the re-gift.
Of course, the next morning I regretted every letter typed. I started to reflect. Why would I do this? If you ask my long term relationships, I was always sweet and nice, giving and loving. I realized that I am angry. I am angry since my last long term relationship breakup last November. It came to me, as I fought back the tears, that every man I have ever counted on has let me down. I was abused physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially and digitally. I was abandoned, walked out on, neglected, rejected and mistreated. Most were emotionally and physically unavailable. Before we could make amends, my father lost his marbles and died on me. Every man in my life from my father to my ex-husband up to and including the best first date evaaah guy this past January has not been there for me.
I was nice to them when they were mean to me. I gave to them when they drained me of my life force. They extinguished my pilot light, the love that is me, and I still stayed. I rode emotional roller coasters through work issues, custody battles, ex-drama, new wife crap, rude kids, redneck friends, etc. As an empath, I absorbed all their manure. Then I turned around and spewed it onto Mr. Happy. Ugh!
I am way too evolved to not know I chose all of this prior to entering into time/space reality. I chose my parents, journey, Poland Syndrome, and all the mistreating I took. I manifested it into my life because I believed that was all I was worth. I allowed everything! I have been angry, and I didn’t know it. I am not angry at the men who fell short. They were just being themselves. I am mad at myself for allowing it, for staying too long, for not loving myself enough to set healthy boundaries and practice self care.
I am not sure if the only man I have ever met without baggage would have been my life partner, but he’s the type of person I want in my life either way. I need people who don’t drain me. His energy and aura were so bright, and I turned him away because I was scared. I was scared I was going to really like and care for him, and he would do to me what the rest of the men did…leave.
Time to shake off the dust, and start walking. First stop will be my trusted shrink mate (therapist) to try to figure out how I can get over this anger. Then I just have to walk forward knowing my soulmate is out there. I found one happy guy with no baggage. There has to be more. And he will hold me and say, “it’s all going to be ok. I’m never leaving.” That’s my guy!
I have learned a hard lesson here. No more re-gifting. No Tito’s inspired texting. No turning away someone who could bring joy into my life. Please don’t re-gift. Throw your garbage away. Burn it. Forget it. Love is the only path to happiness. I’m getting back on the love train. See you there!
Tell me what’s going on in your life. I want to hear from you.
Wishing you love, balance & peace.
Amore & Baci,
Just Steph
