According to Don Miguel Ruiz and the Toltecs, never take anything personally is agreement number two. This one is my biggest struggle. It has taken me all these years to finally be able to laugh at myself, but I have the hardest time separating someone’s actions from me. According to “The Four Agreements” (“the book” for future references), even if someone directly insults or undermines me, it is not personal. That is their problem, their stuff.
In my world, I get all bent out of shape when my kids huff and puff at my discipline. I ask them to do something: the face, the sigh, the groan, the balking, the negative verbiage…”never mind, I’ll take out the recycle bin.” Why do I do that? Am I the only mother on earth that will do anything for peace, including ruining my kids? I think life was so chaotic and turbulent for my sister and I that I just want a nice, orderly, peaceful existence.
Who suffers in the long run? Everyone! I become exacerbated, even angry. I end up doing the chores that the kids SHOULD be doing and I just f*%#ed up their future wives’ life. My boys will expect their spouses to do what I’ve done for them. Your welcome, girls! Sorry!
In the work world, I get the same anxiety. Why won’t people buy my book? Why don’t I have more likes on Facebook and follows on Twitter? My son (a.k.a. Mr. Rolex/lefty pitcher) says I’m uncool because I am following more people than follow me. So I find myself not following people of interest after they follow me just to prove a point. God forbid my numbers go down…what did I do? Was it something I said? Do they know I am uncool? Did Mr. Rolex tell them?
In the scheme of things, who gives a shit? My Facebook/Twitter fan club will like me today and unfollow me tomorrow according to their own whims. I cannot worry if my friends from the old hood ignore my posts. I don’t need Xanax every time I share my page and my classmates won’t like it. Hell, my cousin Carla won’t return my texts. I keep reminding myself: they are busy; they are not trying to stick it to you; you are not on their radar. It’s all ok. I’m a good person.
If I am true to the teachings from “the book,” I would not be writing this blog. Will I feel better when I get one thousand likes or twenty thousand follows? Will I be a better mother if my kids never resist my authority? No matter, I would probably continue to take out the recycle bin and risk my future daughters-in-law unhappiness.
Tell me what’s going on in your life. I want to hear from you.
Amore & Baci (Love & Kisses),