My mom and I were at dinner last week. We were discussing my move back to Boston and how I finally feel settled and grounded. My mom started to cry, not unusual. She said, “you never gave up. With all your obstacles, you never gave up, even as a little girl. This conversation open up my heart to many emotions.
So many times throughout my journey I wanted to give up. There were times I wished I were dead. I thought, “dead has got to be better than this.” I have gone to bed for weeks at a time. I would tell one of my friends, “send Dr. Kevorkian, Dr. Death.” There were years when I did not want to go to sleep at night because the morning came too soon.
What was it that got me through these times, the painful surgeries, being bullied, left out, abused, etc.? How did I move past fear to face the world every day? I always wanted to do more than merely exist. I knew from a very young age that I was meant for more, much more. It was this internal knowledge, the little voice inside, that kept me going.
I was always at war with myself. How can I do great things when I am a nothing, a nobody? Why would anybody buy into what I have to offer the world? Am I selling swamp land in Florida? The truth is, nobody was going to believe in me until I believed in myself. I had to not only acknowledge my empathic and healing gifts, I had to take ownership. I had to step out of the darkness and allow my light to shine.
About three years ago, I started practicing hot yoga. I finally had the confidence to try a new physical activity not knowing if I would be successful with my limb difference. My physical limitations were not my only obstacles. My mind constantly raced. I was always scared, stressed and worried. My mind finally slowed down enough for me to join a studio and step onto the mat.
As any yogi will explain, the mat is a mirror for life. Some poses are harder than others. Some days are easier than the previous. I found myself attracted to the warrior poses, my favorite being humble warrior. I knew instantly that is who I am. I am the humble warrior, the warrior whose journey was always a battle within. This was a battle I fought every day to overcome myself to bring my best to the world. I am weak, and I am strong. I am joyful now after many years walking through the valley of tears.
I am the broken rejected little girl. I am the oracle bringing the message of light and healing to the world. I am your humble warrior. How can I best serve you?
Tell me what’s going on in your life. I want to hear from you. Wishing you love, balance and peace!
Amore & Baci,