A few years back I was using St. Francis de Sales’ book, “Introduction to the Devout Life” for meditation. The first topic, from which consequently I could not advance, was pondering on my own life. The article encouraged thanking God for creating me, breathing life into me, allowing me to exist. Well, I thought what’s the big deal. Why should I thank God? What was so great about me? Is the world any better with me around? What if I didn’t exist. Maybe everyone would be better for it. Was I a burden? Did I make that much of a difference. I mean, who really cares if I am here or not?
I brought these thoughts to my priest. Here’s what he said, “that is the most stupid thing God has ever heard!” I started to laugh (excuse my sick humor). No matter what he said, I couldn’t shake this thought. What value am I to God and to the people around me?
Does anyone else think about this stuff? Am I alone in wondering “why the Hell am I here?” Do I serve a purpose? Why is this even important to me? My reasons are two-fold.
I never considered myself worth it. As a young person, I never felt I was worth the effort for Prince Charming to come rescue me from my dreaded self. I was not pretty enough, smart enough and whole enough that anyone should make an effort. As I managed a house and four kids, I put everyone’s needs before my own. I denied myself basic needs unnecessarily.
Also, I have this desire to make a difference. There is something inside me that yearns to influence people and society. I want to make a positive impact on the people in my path. I want them to know I love them unconditionally. I wish to dig into anyone’s heart and find out what makes them tick. I don’t know why, but this is my motivation for most everything I do.
So here I am on my birthday revisiting why God willed me into being. Although I no longer go to the place where I am not worth God’s or anyone else’s effort, I do long to make a difference with you and the world. Risking sounding mushy: I really do love the people in my life, and there’s room for more. So when I say at the end of each blog “tell me what’s going on in your life,” I mean it.
So I say to myself today, “Happy Birthday, Just Steph. God Loves you and so do others.”
Tell me what’s going on in your life. I want to hear from you!
Wishing you love, balance and peace!
Amore & Baci,