A Special Birthday Blog

A few years back I was using St. Francis de Sales’ book, “Introduction to the Devout Life” for meditation.  The first topic, from which consequently I could not advance, was pondering on my own life.  The article encouraged thanking God for creating me, breathing life into me, allowing me to exist.  Well, I thought what’s the big deal.  Why should I thank God?  What was so great about me?  Is the world any better with me around?  What if I didn’t exist.  Maybe everyone would be better for it.  Was I a burden?  Did I make that much of a difference.  I mean, who really cares if I am here or not?

I brought these thoughts to my priest.  Here’s what he said, “that is the most stupid thing God has ever heard!”  I started to laugh (excuse my sick humor).  No matter what he said, I couldn’t shake this thought.  What value am I to God and to the people around me?

Does anyone else think about this stuff?  Am I alone in wondering “why the Hell am I here?”  Do I serve a purpose?  Why is this even important to me?  My reasons are two-fold.

I never considered myself worth it.  As a young person, I never felt I was worth the effort for Prince Charming to come rescue me from my dreaded self.  I was not pretty enough, smart enough and whole enough that anyone should make an effort. As I managed a house and four kids, I put everyone’s needs before my own.  I denied myself basic needs unnecessarily.

Also, I have this desire to make a difference.  There is something inside me that yearns to influence people and society.  I want to make a positive impact on the people in my path.  I want them to know I love them unconditionally.  I wish to dig into anyone’s heart and find out what makes them tick.  I don’t know why, but this is my motivation for most everything I do.

So here I am on my birthday revisiting why God willed me into being.  Although I no longer go to the place where I am not worth God’s or anyone else’s effort, I do long to make a difference with you and the world. Risking sounding mushy: I really do love the people in my life, and there’s room for more.  So when I say at the end of each blog “tell me what’s going on in your life,” I mean it.

So I say to myself today, “Happy Birthday, Just Steph. God Loves you and so do others.”

Tell me what’s going on in your life.  I want to hear from you!

Wishing you love, balance and peace!

Amore & Baci,

Just Steph

 

 

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